Dream New Dreams by Jai Pausch

Author:Jai Pausch [Pausch, Jai]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: cookie429, Kat, Extratorrents
ISBN: 978-0-307-88852-5
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2012-05-14T14:00:00+00:00

* “Abraxane in Combination with Gemcitabine Increases Survival in First-Line Treatment of Advanced Pancreatic Cancer in Phase I/II Study,” Medical News Today, April 20, 2010, www.​medical​news​today.​com/​articles/​185903.​php.

Decisions

EVEN THOUGH OUR SURGICAL ONCOLOGIST and our hospice nurse had told me Randy was in the final stages of dying by the end of June 2008 and even though I could see with my own eyes that his health had taken a dramatic step downward that third week in July, I still wasn’t prepared when, on July 25, I woke up and found Randy dead.

Randy and I had tried to prepare for this. Some of our preparations had begun before the cancer returned and metastasized in his liver and spleen. During the summer of 2007, Randy and I had met with an estate attorney to draw up his will. I became Randy’s medical proxy so I could make medical decisions in the event that he was not conscious or of sound mind to voice his wishes. It was uncomfortable for both of us to contemplate the various ways he might die and difficult for Randy to articulate which medical interventions he would accept and which he would refuse. But the upside was that I knew how to act on his behalf if and when the time came, and that gave us both peace of mind. After the documents were signed and notarized, we placed them in our filing cabinet and pushed aside a portion of the anxiety that living with cancer causes.

This preparedness was part of Randy’s personality. He liked to call himself a belt-and-suspenders man. In addition to coins and a wallet, Randy also carried a travel-size toothbrush, tissues, and nail clippers in his pants pockets. His laptop bag held not only his computer and power cord, but also a spare laptop battery, various hardware and networking cables, an extra contact lens case, spare glasses, and even spare underwear. It was quite in his nature for Randy to approach death in much the same way as he fortified himself to face everyday life.

The most difficult logistical matter we addressed together was Randy’s funeral plans. Originally, he wanted to donate his body to medical science. Had there been the rapid autopsy programs that some cancer research centers, such as the Translational Genomics Research Institute in Arizona, are conducting today to better understand pancreatic tumor growth and evolution, I would have agreed wholeheartedly. But because that was not the case at the time, I asked Randy to allow me to bury his body, to give us the opportunity to grieve at his passing, and to create a special place for us to visit. My husband heard me out patiently, and then he agreed. I wanted to have a funeral service for Randy, as other family members of mine had had while I was growing up. I knew the ritual, its rhythm, and what to expect. Oddly enough, a funeral offered me a comfortable, familial experience, and I wanted comfort more than anything else at this time.

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